"A Land of Beginning Again" -CWM

                        "A Land of Beginning Again"

        I once read a poem entitled "A Land of Beginning Again", the Author told of a most wonderful land where all of our heartaches and sorrows past could be dropped like a "shabby ol' coat" at the door and never to be worn ever again!

        My mind drifted in fascination of such a place where I might shed my shame for renewed hope and where each day's dawning light would bring fresh opportunity. But then, as I pondered the thought of stepping out of my "self" and into a newer model, I heard once again the monotony of slamming doors and a shout for yet another "COUNT"!

        Broken and alone, the moment's rays of hope had passed, overshadowed with the dark weighty reminders of yesterday's storms. What a terrible mess I had made of my life! And OOOOH! how I longed for a "Land of Beginning Again"!! But what could a guy like me ever possibly hope for anyway? When sitting upon a torn, paper-thin, mattress in a cold, cramped, cinder-block box, the thought of hope seems only a very bad joke!

        As I lay back on my bunk, I could only imagine a future consisting of nothing more than the same mistakes as my past. Within the deepest depths of my heart, I had always held the desire to do the "right" things or to live a "right" life, but despite my efforts, failure had always been the inevitable outcome time and time again. I just could not bolster the confidence within to give my "self" another go at it. It didn't appear anything remained worthy of salvage from the ruins of my life. And so the question continued to revolve in my mind, "What now?"....

        Just as I had resigned to the idea that taking my own life would be the merciful thing to do and that the world would be a much better place without me in it,....... I heard God speak to me and suggest I try things His way!! Call me crazy, but it is true! Raised in an unbelieving family, I had never seriously gave much thought to God or even considered that He would hold the answers to my life!

        "What do I have to lose?" I thought, "I always have the option of killing myself! I had just as well give Him a try!"

        I did die that day...Crying out to my Savior Jesus Christ in His mercy, surrendering my heart, soul, and life into His hands and inviting Him to salvage whatever He could and to live the remainder of this life through me! I had become "Born Again!"

         I soon discovered a whole new worldview. I realized that although I had always harbored the desire to do that which is "right", perhaps I never truly understood what "right" is! Sure, my many mistakes and wrongdoings had provided me a well rounded knowledge of what "right" is not, but understanding wrong from "right" is not the same as knowing "right" from wrong!!

        So then how do we determine with any certainty just what "right" is? The answer is in Truth! Everything "right" must always be true! Absolutely True!

        And as the chain of logic continues, absolute, reliable truth can only be found at it's source! The Creator of  Truth,   AKA GOD!

                        GOD  =  TRUTH  =  RIGHT!

        Today, five years "out the gate", Having served a total of seven years within five of the state's prisons, God continues to bless me in the most unimaginable ways!

         I am newly married to the most beautiful and wonderful Christian wife, we share our own home (miraculously within city limits), and I have my own lucrative business! Life today is far beyond anything I could have comprehended just ten years ago as I lay ready to end it all in a prison cell!! I have been delivered into "A Land of Beginning Again"!

        The "ol' man" has been dead and buried for over ten years now, yet society continues to exhume the body and lay it at my feet even today. Yes, satan and his agents still spring from corners and jump from bushes to bang upon my armor , but I give it a polished shine with daily prayer and scripture, reminding my "self" why I now know, what I now know to be TRUE!